The thesis statement is the sentence that states the main idea of a writing assignment and helps control the ideas within the paper. It often reflects an opinion or judgment that a writer has made about a reading or personal experience.
Notice in the revision that the field is now clear (ecology), and the language has been made much more field-specific ("conservation methods," "green organizations"), so the reader is able to see concretely the ideas the student is communicating.
This sample thesis statement makes a claim, but it is not a claim that will sustain extended discussion.
is the brief articulation of your paper's central argument and purpose.
You might hear it referred to as simply a "thesis." Every scholarly paper should have a thesis statement, and strong thesis statements are concise, specific, and arguable.
The student needs to come up with a more arguable claim, and probably a narrower one; remember that a short paper needs a more focused topic than a dissertation.
Better: Roderick's (2009) theory of participatory leadership is particularly appropriate to nurse educators working within the emergency medicine field, where students benefit most from collegial and kinesthetic learning.
Better: Through a series of student interviews, I found that Kennedy High School's antibullying program was ineffective.
In order to address issues of conflict between students, I argue that Kennedy High School should embrace policies outlined by the California Department of Education (2010).
Sometimes students think scholarly writing means constructing complex sentences using special language, but actually it's usually a stronger choice to write clear, simple sentences.
When in doubt, remember that your ideas should be complex, not your sentence structure.